Journal Entries
#1 - September
For the past couple of days, I have been attempting to get in contact with different nursing homes near me to get my capstone started. Originally I thought this project would be a LOT easier because I am a very independent and social person, but this has been slightly hard. Due to Covid-19, everything is a lot more complex. I’ve always known that I wanted to read to senior citizens as my capstone project, and it sounds very simple, it’s not. Nursing homes are very high-risk locations, therefore they are being very careful about things like volunteering. Many of the homes don’t even have their volunteer programs up and running yet. I spoke to Mrs. Bout and she believes that these homes can be a very risky environment and she urged me to try and come up with a “safer” alternative. I was thinking about what I could do for days, after all, senior citizens aren’t known for being technologically savvy. After a virtual class where Ms. Bout presented an old capstone project where the kid went to nursing homes and did technology with senior citizens. This immediately gave me an idea. I want to go into a nursing home once or twice and get everyone settled with their devices. Then after that, we can hold virtual conferences once a week where we can talk and just read. I can tell this is going to hold a lot more challenges than what I had originally thought, but I am very excited. I love to be challenged and something tells me that I will be. I have always loved senior citizens, they tend to be so nice and wise. I feel like citizens in these homes can feel forgotten and isolated and I just want to help with that. I am a very social person as it is and I know I could learn so much from them. I can’t wait to combine some of my favorite things together for this capstone. COVID has altered so many lives in a negative way, I want to help people get something positive out of it!
#2 - October
Between my mom’s surgery, Kaitlin’s (my mentor) sick days, and her vacation I feel like I haven’t done much. I have yet to meet the residents, but I have had a lot of contact with Kaitlin trying to plan everything out. Tomorrow morning I plan to go to Macdonough elementary school to pick up some letters that a teacher had their student’s make for the residents. I am very excited. I plan on buying little envelopes for them and attaching maybe a quote or something to them. Kaitlin told me that many of them can’t write anymore so I’m trying to think outside the box for this one. I kind of want to add my own personal touch to them, maybe like "hi this is me" kind of thing, I am also VERY excited for the senior2senior program that I want to implement for after the holidays. In December, I plan to reach out to SMSA students to see if any of them are interested. Hopefully, by then the program at MacDonough has expanded and more residents are interested, if not then that's okay too. My mom’s surgery has put a LOT on my plate, I feel like I’m the only person that can take care of her right now. I have been doing a great job balancing school and work, but now everything with my mom is typing the scale. So I am trying to reorganize myself in a way that I can handle everything while taking some time for me too. Hopefully, things will get better after I finish all the supplements with QuestBridge. By then, I will also have all my common app stuff sorted out, so I just have a couple more days. Me being sick right now is also not at all helping, but I got this.
#3 - November
This month has been pretty incredible overall. I have surprised myself with how far my capstone has gone in little time. I have set a pretty good schedule for the zoom meetings, now we are simply getting into a routine with it. We are meeting every Saturday at 10 am. The resident to whom I am reading to has chosen the book Night by Eli Wiesel. I went to my local library and picked up a couple of books along with it. I am a firm believer that having a physical book in your hands is so much better than like an ebook or audiobook. There was a customer at my job a couple of weeks ago that came in with “the book of awesome” in his hands. It’s actually an amazing book about the little things in life that are often overlooked such as finding extra fries at the bottom of the bag or having a whole row by yourself in a flight. I love the joy it brings me, especially in times like these where the nights are getting longer and the sun isn’t out as much. I often joke with my boyfriend about how I “photosynthesize” the way plants do because I am such a different person when the sun is out and in my face. Because of this, I know that the next couple of months are going to be a little rough for me the way they always are around this time of year, but I am really glad that I have found so many things that I truly feel like are going to change the way I am this winter. For example, I know I am making such a difference in the life of the resident I am reading to, that makes me so happy. I have also started going to the gym regularly and I am beginning to get into yoga and mindfulness and I can tell how much of a difference it makes. Waiting for college decisions is something that is so difficult and so many people don’t talk about that. I know how my anxiety gets normally during this time of year and waiting for college decisions is putting everything on steroids. Because of this huge change in my life I have learned to truly appreciate things like the Senior2Senior program and the gym and books like the book of awesome. Life is very very messy and chaotic, we need to find the things in life that allow us to find peace in the middle of it all and I think I have finally found mine.
#4 - December
This month of December has been a very big eye-opener for me. The fact that I did not get matched for QuestBridge happened the very first day and it kind of set my mood for the rest of the month. I was struggling with not being matched, I felt like all my hard work had been for absolutely nothing. It’s a lot more stressful than people give it credit for, going to college I mean. Then, on December 8th, the Hartford Courant article came out for Senior2Senior. So many people emailed me just to tell me how great my project is. The city of Hartford actually decided to give me a citation for it. I was being recognized for the amount of hard work I did and this was a lot more strange and foreign to me than many know. I was completely shocked by them giving me the citation and Alex decided to ask me how it felt to be recognized for all the hard work I’m doing. The honest answer? Very weird. I just finished packing up the cards that I’m sending to OneMacdonough Place tomorrow and just wow. That’s all I have to say. Tomorrow I’m giving out 45 handwritten cards, and I have MANY more. It honestly was astounding to me how the community came together for this project. I received SO many emails of people reaching out and looking to help with this project. People from Middletown, Hartford, Newington, and so many more places all over Connecticut helped me out with this project. A lady named Karen Tomasko even made 40 little goody bags for the home along with 40 handwritten and signed cards. I am lost for words when it comes to this project right now. This month has been rough and it was so hard to keep up with all of it in the beginning, but right now it’s so worth it. For the first time I’m seeing how I’m making a difference, my hard work is paying off. I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about it all. I know that I’m like two hours away from completing my 15 hours required for this project, but I am just getting started.
#5 - January
At the very beginning of this year, I had two customers come into IHOP. They are regulars there, two veterans, they are older but they look like best friends. The older one walked with a walker, after they were done with their meal he was struggling to get up. His friend was trying to help him but he was older too so it was a struggle. When I noticed what was happening I quickly offered my help and I could tell how much they appreciated it. It was something so small, helping him get up. But the whole experience just warmed my heart. I immediately thought of Teddy. I got her this book she wanted, “I feel bad about my neck” by Nora Ephron. I can’t wait to meet with her and get started on it. I liked the change of pace since Night. The new book is somewhat of a comedy about growing old, I feel like it’s going to be so much fun. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on the whole Senior2Senior experience. I reached out to the different homes that I sent the cards to but they haven’t panned out, but I’m starting to realize that that’s okay. Now, it’s about the little things. I have reached my fifteen hours already but I want more. I have always loved to help others but this is different. When we are back to normal, I want to do something with these homes. Maybe a fun little activity like a day where we paint outside or read some books or just had a small talent show or something. Something fun that we haven’t been able to do yet because of the pandemic. I really hope that someone picks up my project next year, maybe not virtually. If they can go into the homes I hope they do and continue the name of Senior2Senior. Considering how hard I have worked for this I hope someone continues it. I think I’m going to do something for valentine’s day. Maybe something small and just buy 40 roses, one per resident with a small message with it. I love this idea.
#6 - February
So February did not go exactly as planned but things barely do so. I was not able to do the gifts for valentine’s day, instead I did something specifically for Teddy. I was notified this month that unfortunately my program with Teddy would not be able to continue, they simply did not have the manpower to continue running another program. That is also something that is very understandable considering everything that has happened. They are so many places that are still understaffed, so it’s understandable. Teddy and I were unable to have a last meet to close it all out and say goodbye, so I decided to stay on the course that I had planned. So I wrote her a letter and got her some flowers, which I delivered myself on Valentine’s day. Teddy gave me a lot more than people know. She was a connection that I loved and did not know what it was giving me. This is something that I figured out after the relationship came to a finish. I felt like my program, senior2senior, ended up being much better for me than I wanted it to be. It’s different when you learn to give back as part of your own organization than when you do it for someone else. I saw the difference that I made. Teddy brought things into perspective, it is not all about me, but about what I do. This is also when I started to really look into UMiami. The further I looked into it, the more I fell in love with the school and everything else that came with it. I have never been this excited about my future and what will happen. It is all one step at a time, but the uncertainty creates an excitement. That right there is why I can revel in the fear of the unknown, because I know that I am the one who decides what it becomes.
#7 - March
March was a very long month for me, I can’t even remember everything that happened if we are being completely honest. My mom took an impromptu trip to the Dominican Republic to visit my grandmother who was there for the month. This was somewhat weird for the both of us, being apart knowing that it might be the way life is in a couple of months. Leaving home is going to be hard, but I genuinely believe that it is something I need to do. I want to find out who I am, when I am on my own. I have always wanted to live somewhere with palm trees, this is my chance and I plan on taking it. Graduation is around the corner, it is crazy that we do not even have a date yet, but that is okay. I have started to look at dresses and such, maybe even doing a graduation party. I am so excited because I am currently living the life that I have always wanted. I am going to college and moving out to go somewhere warm. I am here and I am going to change who I am and I can become whoever I want to be. I believe that there is some beauty in not knowing what is coming. I like having the power to control my own future, and that is something that I love to share with other people. We have the power to do and be whoever we want to be. There is no reason to remain stuck in a life that you do not want. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is up to you to make a change and be who you want to be. And that is why I am so excited of everything that is to come, because I am the one who decides it.